Empty Spaces

You know, physical and metal exhaustion can result in some rather disturbing and particularly fucked up dreams. After staying up doing my presentation script, and then waking up early and having to endure that day, I came home so tired and lethargic. I should've had a nap but I decided against it thinking that it'll only fuck up my sleeping patterns. So I killed some time by random youtubing, watching tv and then later on that evening, i was on msn, keeping a friend company - she was feelin really down because it was the 2nd anniversary of her fathers passing. I stayed up just a little to late, and then told her that i had to go because i was about to pass out from tiredness and that i had a full day of uni in the morning.

So crashed on my bed, and fell asleep immediately. And thats when things got weird.

I was in my bed, by myself in the dark. It was eerily quiet - my apartment is near a busy road and railway so there was always the sounds of trains passing by, or cars driving pass or random idiots hooning up the street. But no, it was just silent. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere i hear this piercing scream of what sounded like a young child. I immediately jumped out of bed, startled and a little shaken, but i proceeded out to investigate what it could have been. I open my door, and i see a wispy trail of light pass my door and dissappear into the living room. At this point im getting the chills - something just isn't right. I open the door of the room beside mine, and inside layign on the ground headless in a pool of blood is a little girl.

I'm totally freaked out, my heart is thumping and im breathing excessively fast. For some stupid reason i run out into the living room. In front of me i see a wispy trail. It glows... and then all of a sudden the light becomes really bright and before i knew it, what looked like a exetremley beautiful woman with long dark hair is floating in mid air in front of me, basked in a bright white light. Her legs merge together from the knees down into a wispy tail, somewhat like a genie. She stares at me and we both lock eyes for a moment. Im trembling with fear. Her eyes turn red and just as i break eye contact, she lifts her right arm and swings it. A bright red energy disc forms in her palm and is released, coming right for me.

Im so spooked that i can't say a word let alone scream. As i try to run i realise that i have no control of my body. My legs collapse and i fall down to the ground and the disc narrowly misses me. Im on the ground trembling with my eyes closed, wishing it was all a dream and that someone would come out and help me.

Several moments pass and i open my eyes again and realise that im back in my room on my bed. Im so relieved that it was just a dream. My heart is still beating like a madman and my breathing is still very fast paced but learning that it was just a dream i begin to relax again.

Then i hear some tapping. It starts off as a soft tapping but then gradually becomes louder and louder. I hear a loud thud on my door and the sounds of my door knob turning. I lay there speechless as a shadow moves towards me from the open door. I scramble up off my bed and try and make a run for it, but he lunges at me and we end up wrestling. Im so scared right now and im doing all i can to try and fend myself. Its pure animalistic instinct - trying to survive. I can feel the negative energy in the room, and i can just tell that whatever was in my room wasn't from the human realm - maybe in human form, but defintely not human energy.

I know my attempts are futile and that Im not going to get away, so I break down and overwhelmed with emtions of fear, anger and sadness, i retreat back to the corner and wait for what was coming my way. At that point he seemed to back off as well, and the shadow that was cloaking him suddenly lifted and i see this man standing in front of me. My fear subsides, and a feeling of attraction towards him builds up inside me. He moves closer to me and reaches out. I reach out and grab his hand with mine, and he pulls me in towards him and wraps his arms around me, gripping me tightly. We stay in that position for a moment. As fucked up as it sounds i was actually getting turned on. He lets go of me momentarily and walks around me and again puts his arms around me, but this time, with one hand on my crotch. It feels soo good. I reach around and feel up his bulge, and then I move my hand down the waistband of his jeans and feel his big thick piece in my hand.

Pure sexual energy. I've never felt so good. However as quickly as it appeared, it started to dissolve away just as quickly. The warmth and security of his arms around me reverted back to cold and empty. I find myself alone in my room again. My heart is pounding, and my breathing remains heavy. I hear some voices outside my door, but i can't pick up what is being said. I glace up and in the doorway, stands my brother. I turn away feeling guilt and shame and when i turn back, he's gone.

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And then i woke up.

Alone. By myself. In my room. Noone is home, im assuming my housemates have gone to uni. And then i look at the clock and its almost 11am. I didnt end up going to uni today, I had slept in and i wasn't really in to mood to do anything.

That dream really freaked me out. It was just so graphic - it wasn't just the sights, and sounds - there was another element to it, that i just can't explain. You have to 'feel' it.

I have a lot of dreams like this. Unlike most other people, the dreams i have are never about what i did recently, about my friends, nor about what im going to do in the future. It's either I don't dream at all or have really complex, random, graphic, violent and psychotic dreams. It's really disturbing, and reassures me of how messed up I am.


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ps... TN is a fuckhead.