Empty Spaces

thats what they said to me when i went to see a movie with a mate of mine. This was about 1 and a half years back. He never really got along with many people. He was younger, pretty lippy, and made fun of people a lot. But for some stupid reason, him and i got along well. I didn't get offended when he made fun of me, i dont know why. maybe i just acknowledge that that was how we was, and that he probably didnt' mean it. I don't think he really meant anythign though... he just seemed to take his jokes a little to far sometimes.

Lets call him JM. I met JM through another friend of mine from when i was still living on campus. The semester after i met him, i found out he had moved into the place i was staying at as well and was living on the floor below me. He made friends pretty quickly but he also seemed to alienate himself from everyone else because of his personality. Everyone said he was annoying, obnoxious and belittling and most of them got sick of him. I do admit he was annoying, he was obnoxious, and he was belittling at times, but the more i hung out with him, the more i realised that there was a good person in him. He's an only child, living away from home - he was younger than me by 2 years, and he didn't really have any other friends or family down here. So he was in a similar position to me.

He used to play poker together, both in real life and on facebook. :-P i remember stayin up heaps late one night, cheating with him on fb poker. we both were at the same table helpin each other out. t'was fun. we were also DOTA buddies.. (warcraft 3 custom map for those who don't know). Another stupid thing we did was play Onimusha 3 for almost 3 days straight. Pretty silly thing to do cos we had hardly no sleep at all and skipped a lot of classes, but it was good, cos we did ending finishing it :-)

I was dissapointed when he told me that he was transferring to a different uni, which was like about 1500km away. the couple of weeks before he left, he was had been busy packing, and sorting things out so we didnt get a chance to hang out much. But on the night before he left, we went to see a movie - 30 days of night (an awesome vampire movie - much better than twilight ;-) ). I thought nothing of it. its what friends do right? we hang out, have fun etc.

The next day though after he left i remember my 'friends' all makin fun of me. saying stuff like "oh how was your date with JM last night?" or "did you guys make out in the movie?" and someone even said "i heard you slept over JM's ;-)".

I can understand if it was said jokingly, but the fact that it seemed like everyone knew about it, and that everyone snickered about and they obviously talked about it while i wasn't there kind of made me feel like they were mocking me a bit.

I don't know whether it was because they all didn't really like JM and were making fun of me to get at him or whether they did think that there were 'other' intentions for the 'personal' time we had together at the movies.

Why do i even care what they say? was i making a big deal out of nothing? I dunno..But i did feel pretty crap after that. A good friend of mine is moving away, and i only got to hang out with him for a while and everyone makes fun of me for doing so.

In the end though, he ended up giving me like everything that he couldn't take back with him - including his Birthday present i bought for him - a poker set. The fact that he didn't give anything to anyone else made me feel good, and that he really did see me as a friend as well.

People are stupid sometimes. It's their loss that they couldn't see past his sometimes in-your-face personality to see the true person. He was a good guy. And im glad i got to see him for what he was. Noone else really bothered to give him the time of day.

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You know, thinking back through all these years of my life, i've found that the people who i was closest to were those people who everyone else thought was 'weird', 'different' or an 'outcast'. The ones who noone else would notice, or would want to give the time of day.

I dont know if thats a good thing or not, but i did make some good friends out of those people, although often shortlived. :-(


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On another note, i unblocked TN today. Not that i was gonna talk to him, i just usually don't really like blocking ppl. I guess im too nice for my own good sometimes. All afternoon and evening I kept my distance from him and didn't start up any coversation. I noticed that he kept signing in and out of his MSN - to get my attention perhaps? i dunno. but i wasn't going to talk to him either way. about half an hour later he msgs me.

not really about anything important though... just about the launch of the ipad on friday.. i could care less. i told him ipads are lame and that i didn't care.

conversation continued... well it wasn't really a conversation. it was him trying to make a conversation and me just making really short sharp comments, that didn't really provoke further conversation. To be honest, i didn't really feel like talking to him. I was still slightly pissed off at what he said to me yesterday, about the world not revolving around me. Well guess what, the world doesnt' revolve around you either.!!! >.<

I briefly mentioned that Nightmare on Elm Street was out and that i was going to see it sometime im free. It wasn't really an invitation or anything - more of a statement. I doubt he'd want to come anyway. None of the people i know would watch a horror movie - apart from JM, noone's ever come with me to see any movie that was the slightest bit 'scary'. And no one i know seems to be into anythign involving adrenaline - we were at a theme park a couple of years back, and when i asked if anyone wanted to go on the tower of terror or the giant drop with me, everyone chickened out. I guess i just dont' have anything in common with anyone i know. TN simply said "ok..."

he then mentioned "The Losers" coming out on Thursday. I googled the trailor and told him that it didnt' really seem very interesting to me. I didnt' really have anythin else to say to him, and i dont' think he really had anythign to say either so we both left it at that. It was a pretty pointless convo... i could have done without it. because all it did was make me angry and pissed off. pissed off that he didn't want to talk to me yesterday and was rude about it, yet today he suddenly wants to make conversation with me... thats just fucked up.

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im such an emo. im finding that im getting really agitated and even small things seem to affect me. My sister got some anti-depressants recently, because she said she was feeling a bit stressed out from work and uni, and also because her bf, (he used to live with us) had moved away for work. so now she only gets to talk to him occasionaly whenever both of them are free.

I don't know if i should, but i was going to take some of those to see if they'd help, but im kind of hesitant because they've had a few negative side effects on her - loss of appetite, inducing vomiting etc. Would i be allowed to take them? I mean im not depressed right? Or am i? I don't know. And even if i were, i probably wouldn't admit it to myself.

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Anyway I've got uni tomorrow so im gonna head to bed. Lookin forward to tomororw because im meeting up with a friend from college that i used to live with. Just gonna grab some lunch or something, then back to class. I haven't seen him in half a year! oh well tomorrow shall be good.