Empty Spaces

Numb. Can't seem to shake the feeling that I dont fit in anywhere. Like there is no place for me in this world. Like there is no room for me.

Icy cold water runs through every vein in my body.

I want to give up. I dont want to try anymore. Let me see the light. Let the current take me. I give up.

For once in my life I just want to know what it feels like.

There's just so much inside my head. I just want to let it all out. I just want to be free of all the burdens of life. I want someone to hold me, to love me, and to tell me it will all be okay. I don't' know of any other way of letting it out. So I cry myself to sleep. Hoping that by the time my tears dry, things will be better.

2012

I dont know what to think of it.
I lose what I thought was a friend.
I gain a friend.
I step out of my comfort zone
I give my heart to have it taken for granted.
I feel used.
I seek satisfaction elsewhere.
I look for something better.
I feel a great sense of guilt and remorse.
I end it.
I feel unappreciated.
I move on.
I reply to the message. I try to mend the bridges. It's hard when the bridges are burning on both ends.
I prove to him by submitting to him. He sees to the bottom of my deepest pool of secrets.
I have nothing left to hide. The bridges burn.
I lose him. We never had the chance to end things on good terms. And now i'll never be able to because he's gone. Forever.
I have no light at the end of the tunnel.
I miss my mum. I wish her all the best. I hope she gets better.
I want to be able to reciprocate his feelings, but I've moved on. He's becoming the person I needed him to be all that time ago.
I want HIM so badly, not him, but HIM. but I know I'll never be able to have HIM.
I want to feel loved.
I will guard myself. I have developed an inherent distrust. Never again shall I make myself so vulnerable