Empty Spaces

I know im bad. I stopped taking my meds. And the moment i stop taking them, i start getting all these dreams again. BUT this is one dream that I'm glad i had.

I met my soulmate. The person who fulfills the void inside me. The person who makes me forget about everything negative in my life. He made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. He is the first person I've ever said "I LOVE YOU" to.

His name was "Positive". Well actually that was his nickname, but he prefered that name. He had an identical twin brother that I could simply not tell apart. The twin brothers name was Max. Max didnt really like me all that much. Not that he disliked me, but he was indifferent to me, and he'd get annoyed when I mistook him from his brother, and usually just walk away.

Apart from "positive", i simply cannot remember "positives" real name. I can't quite remember how it happened, but I went up and asked him if he was Max. And he didn't say directly who he was, but he asked me a question. I can't remember what the question was but the answer to the question would give me the answer i was looking for - whether or not he was Max. I can't remember what I answered with, but "positive" was a keyword. His face lit up when I answered him correctly and I realised that he wasn't Max. So from there i started calling him Positive.

Max and I never had much of a connection. He was always just there, with his twin brother positive. But him seeing how happy Positive and I were, made him happy. Happy for the both of us.

Positive and I spent most of our time walking, with our arms around each other. He made me happy like i've never been before. He truly was my soulmate. That void inside me, and that loneliness just vaporized when i was with him. I felt complete. I felt like nothing else mattered but him. I kept telling him how much I loved him.

We kissed and it was the best kiss I had ever had. And straight after I woke up.

Hmm haven't updated for a while, but then again there really is nothing much to write about. I guess the medication must be working.

I've just had my first session with a new counsellor under a Mental Health Care Plan prescribed to my by my doctor. What a huge difference he is compared to the counsellor i was previously seeing. The new counsellor is a very practical man, and gives me advice on how to deal with certain issues. He's also objective and doesn't tell me the things I'd want to hear, unlike the other counsellor. I'd even go so far as to say that in this one session i've had with him, we've covered more ground than the previous 5 i've had with the other. I think i'll just stop seeing the other one since I find progress is lacking with her.

In daily life, i've just been busy with work. Pretty much every night and a few weekday mornings. I've kind of assumed the role of 2ic in my department. I guess in a way its a compliment, but at the same time it means i've taken on more responsibility and it just makes it a lot harder for me to get time off if i need it. Being in a different department and having different work schedules from what i used to have means that I dont get to see or talk to Nick or my other colleagues as much. In a way i do kind of miss that interaction. I miss talking to Nick as well. It feels a bit like i've lost a friend or something.