How to Arrange Everything inside a Big Closet?
8 years ago
I want to call it quits. Im starting to question this thing called life. Im starting to question everything and everyone around me. Im starting to question the very integrity and authenticity of the relationships with the people i have around me. I just dont understand anythin anymore. Nothing makes sense to me. None of this feels real. And if it is, its not doing a very good job of it.
Im always mindful of the effects my actions can have on other people and how my actions could make them feel. I try my very best and i make compromises all the time in order to reduce the adverse repurcusions that i could have on other people. I give and give of myself as selflessly as im capable of yet it seems as if whatever i do does not even matter one bit. I just dont get it.
In a crowd of people spanning as far as the eye can see. I all ever wanted was for one person to look back at me and make me feel as if it mattered.
I dreamt of myself sitting beside the deathbed of an old lady whom i could not recognise, but felt inside that i had known her before. I watched as her life force vanished and saw her face change into the very face of death itself. That was about as real a feeling that i've ever felt in my life. And that was supposedly in a dream. What if this world im living in is really the dream world? Nothing seems to matter. I just doesn't make any sense.
I stand in the crowd, waiting, watching, hoping that something will happen.Im crushing the key to my soul in my hand, and as i do so i shift further and further away from ever letting anyone else in on whats inside.
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2 comments:
Empty,
What happened to all the progress of the last few weeks? Have you been back to the therapist? If not, please make an appointment. STOP with the thoughts of calling it quits. That is not the answer, and kills a part of everyone who knows you. I just have to wonder if worrying about how everyone else thinks about you means that you are turning so far inward that you can't see out any more.
I do so hope that you will go back to the therapist soon and open up...you practically had a list to talk about...use it, please.
Your last line says it all, you're doing this to yourself...so it's definitely fixable!
Peace <3
Jay
Eish... now what has got you thinking like this?
You have done so much already to change things. You have reached out for help by going to a counselor, gone for a medical, things are changing.
You are very wrong to think people don't care. Your family care the most about you & never forget that. You do matter to your family, stop thinking like this.
What happened with the appointments you said you had with the GP & counselor? Did you go?
Have you tried to look at the dream in another way? How about... You are in the process of sorting out your problems in real life, right. Well the old lady can represent your present life & lifestyle which is now old & needs to pass on as you are changing. You are watching it pass away, thus making room for a new life, new beginnings. Grab onto the change with both hands, this is your chance to make the difference yourself.
The key words here is "I want to call it quits." But you are not going to. Finish what you have started, throw away all this guilt, it is time to live :)
Stay well
Jason.
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