How to Arrange Everything inside a Big Closet?
8 years ago
So it seems a few comments that were made previously have mysteriously dissappeared when blogger went out the other day. How lame.
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It was probably too soon to think that I was all better etc. While it was a major weight off my shoulders, makign the confession and coming to terms with the reality of what happened those two years ago, perhaps it was just a little silly of me to have assumed that everythign was good and well. I'll admit for those couple of days afterwards, I did feel so much happier, and stress free. Like nothing else mattered or bothered me.
I had a pretty *for lack of better word* crappy day today. I was home alone (like pretty much most days). I messaged a few people to see if they wanted to do anything today, but they all declined. So i was stuck with myself for the day. I hate just sitting at home alone. I feel as if the day is just going by and im not doing anythign productive at all. I feel like im wasting my days. I had this sinking feeling inside me, and for the first time since the confession post, my mood went down considerably.
Urgh....
I really dont like being by myself. I hate this loneliness. It really gets to me and eats away at me. It really shouldnt' be this way, but i just feel like there is noone i know in real life who can rid me of this loneliness. I can be surrounded by a million people i know, and during the moment, i'll temporarily forget that im alone. But as soon as those people leave, i'll be back to where i was.
It feels like there is a massive void inside of me. That i can't seem to fill.
It was too soon to think I was alright. Its amusing how volatile emotions/feeligns/mood can be.
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3 comments:
Empty (oh how I wish you'd give us a first name, or initials or something...empty just is so sad to call someone),
Anyway, you are correct...one post won't fix it all. But it went a long way towards loosening those bottled up emotions, and that plus the trip to the clinic is a huge first step in healing. Now that you've taken that first step, you have to keep walking! Talk to your therapist. Since you've learned that telling the truth to a medical professional doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would, and doesn't result in anyone thinking any less of you, it should be easier to open up. THAT is when the elevated moods will start to take hold, and the swings will be more to the good than bad. It took me a long time to get over what I went through four years ago. But once I got it out there, and kept plugging at it, it did get better, and I'm happier now than I have been in soooo long it's not funny (or maybe it is!).
The blogger fiasco got a lot of people. Google swears they will get it all restored sooner or later.
Keep your chin up! Better things are in store for you now that you're on the road to healing! YAY!!!
Peace <3
Jay
I see there are comments missing, two of my comments have gone, I don't know if you got to read them, if not they weren't meant to be :( I did read your comment last week before it disappeared, Change is for the laundromat :)
I did also say in one like Jay, won't you give us a fist name or initials, something better than empty spaces to call you. No pressure :)
It sounds like you are your own worst enemy :( Being by yourself with no one around seems to bring yourself down. You need to be happy with yourself & your own company. People are not going to make you happy with yourself, they are just a distraction from the fact. This is something you need to talk about with the counselor. When is your next appointment?
Don't get disheartened now. Don't stop, Rome wasn't built in a day :)
Hang in there.
Jason
One step at a time, yeah? It will get easier day by day, but it will be work, hard hard work. But you can do it!
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