How to Arrange Everything inside a Big Closet?
8 years ago
You know, physical and metal exhaustion can result in some rather disturbing and particularly fucked up dreams. After staying up doing my presentation script, and then waking up early and having to endure that day, I came home so tired and lethargic. I should've had a nap but I decided against it thinking that it'll only fuck up my sleeping patterns. So I killed some time by random youtubing, watching tv and then later on that evening, i was on msn, keeping a friend company - she was feelin really down because it was the 2nd anniversary of her fathers passing. I stayed up just a little to late, and then told her that i had to go because i was about to pass out from tiredness and that i had a full day of uni in the morning.
So crashed on my bed, and fell asleep immediately. And thats when things got weird.
I was in my bed, by myself in the dark. It was eerily quiet - my apartment is near a busy road and railway so there was always the sounds of trains passing by, or cars driving pass or random idiots hooning up the street. But no, it was just silent. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere i hear this piercing scream of what sounded like a young child. I immediately jumped out of bed, startled and a little shaken, but i proceeded out to investigate what it could have been. I open my door, and i see a wispy trail of light pass my door and dissappear into the living room. At this point im getting the chills - something just isn't right. I open the door of the room beside mine, and inside layign on the ground headless in a pool of blood is a little girl.
I'm totally freaked out, my heart is thumping and im breathing excessively fast. For some stupid reason i run out into the living room. In front of me i see a wispy trail. It glows... and then all of a sudden the light becomes really bright and before i knew it, what looked like a exetremley beautiful woman with long dark hair is floating in mid air in front of me, basked in a bright white light. Her legs merge together from the knees down into a wispy tail, somewhat like a genie. She stares at me and we both lock eyes for a moment. Im trembling with fear. Her eyes turn red and just as i break eye contact, she lifts her right arm and swings it. A bright red energy disc forms in her palm and is released, coming right for me.
Im so spooked that i can't say a word let alone scream. As i try to run i realise that i have no control of my body. My legs collapse and i fall down to the ground and the disc narrowly misses me. Im on the ground trembling with my eyes closed, wishing it was all a dream and that someone would come out and help me.
Several moments pass and i open my eyes again and realise that im back in my room on my bed. Im so relieved that it was just a dream. My heart is still beating like a madman and my breathing is still very fast paced but learning that it was just a dream i begin to relax again.
Then i hear some tapping. It starts off as a soft tapping but then gradually becomes louder and louder. I hear a loud thud on my door and the sounds of my door knob turning. I lay there speechless as a shadow moves towards me from the open door. I scramble up off my bed and try and make a run for it, but he lunges at me and we end up wrestling. Im so scared right now and im doing all i can to try and fend myself. Its pure animalistic instinct - trying to survive. I can feel the negative energy in the room, and i can just tell that whatever was in my room wasn't from the human realm - maybe in human form, but defintely not human energy.
I know my attempts are futile and that Im not going to get away, so I break down and overwhelmed with emtions of fear, anger and sadness, i retreat back to the corner and wait for what was coming my way. At that point he seemed to back off as well, and the shadow that was cloaking him suddenly lifted and i see this man standing in front of me. My fear subsides, and a feeling of attraction towards him builds up inside me. He moves closer to me and reaches out. I reach out and grab his hand with mine, and he pulls me in towards him and wraps his arms around me, gripping me tightly. We stay in that position for a moment. As fucked up as it sounds i was actually getting turned on. He lets go of me momentarily and walks around me and again puts his arms around me, but this time, with one hand on my crotch. It feels soo good. I reach around and feel up his bulge, and then I move my hand down the waistband of his jeans and feel his big thick piece in my hand.
Pure sexual energy. I've never felt so good. However as quickly as it appeared, it started to dissolve away just as quickly. The warmth and security of his arms around me reverted back to cold and empty. I find myself alone in my room again. My heart is pounding, and my breathing remains heavy. I hear some voices outside my door, but i can't pick up what is being said. I glace up and in the doorway, stands my brother. I turn away feeling guilt and shame and when i turn back, he's gone.
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And then i woke up.
Alone. By myself. In my room. Noone is home, im assuming my housemates have gone to uni. And then i look at the clock and its almost 11am. I didnt end up going to uni today, I had slept in and i wasn't really in to mood to do anything.
That dream really freaked me out. It was just so graphic - it wasn't just the sights, and sounds - there was another element to it, that i just can't explain. You have to 'feel' it.
I have a lot of dreams like this. Unlike most other people, the dreams i have are never about what i did recently, about my friends, nor about what im going to do in the future. It's either I don't dream at all or have really complex, random, graphic, violent and psychotic dreams. It's really disturbing, and reassures me of how messed up I am.
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ps... TN is a fuckhead.
:-P
So the presentation today went averagely (is that even a word?) okay i guess. It almost turned bad though. I was up until 3am in the morning preparing the script for the presentation, making sure that everyones parts linked in and that it all flowed, seeing as we all had written our parts separately without consultation from each other. I had emailed it out to the other group members and let them know that if they wished to make ammendments then they'd have to get the changes to me before 10am the next day.
So then comes 9:50am and im thinking sweet everythign should be fine as i haven't received an email from anyone else so im good to print. 5o pages later (10 double sided pages per script) i have a nice stack of scripts in my hand and im feeling rather chuffed about my hard work the night before.
I get to uni and theres 4 of us, apparently the 5th member doesn't get off work yet. so we do a quick rehearsal and run through and it all goes smoothly. 2 of the members run off to a class before the presetation and the 5th member shows up.
I give her the script and tell her to have a read through it to make sure she's familiar. But when handing it to her, she says "oh i've already got one" which she clearly doesn't. She only had her notes that she emailed me the night before. The other group member tells her that its better if she uses the updated script because things have been change. she agrees
And you know what she does? when it came to her part she completely disregards the script and just says a whole heap of stuff off the top of her head. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK! she completed screwed everyone over because what she talked about had nothign to do with the issue at hand. And some of the stuff that was supposed to be mentioned later she talked about early and some of the stuff she was supposed to talk about she didn't mention...
i actually had to do a few of her lines that she didn't do as they lead onto a direct question that was going to be asked to another member.
urgghh....i spend all that time doing the stupid script and she thinks shes too good to use it.
Im just so glad that the other members and i were able to go into damage control and somehow talk our way out of the mess she'd gotten us into.
Its over now at least.. wont get the results back until the week after next. hope we did ok.
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On the way to uni this morning, i bumped into my old housemate. I actually haven't seen him for a bit over half a year so i was really glad i met him today. We talked about current issues with uni and whinged about how our exam timetables sucked haha.. it was like old times. We're meeting up for lunch next week so should be good.
Hello the emptiness that is my blog :-)
Don't really have anything to write about to be honest... things are pretty average.. got a group presentation on wednesday and i haven't really done much. Neither have any of my group members. its such a dysfunctional group seriously. Probalby the worst group i've ever had during my time at uni. Its not that the members are particularly bad to work with, its just that there doesn't seem to be a time in which everyone is free to meet up for discussions and work on the presentation. I hope it goes alright.
Oh you'd never guess what happened today.
TN actually IM'd me first on MSN haha... after a bit of random chat this is what he says:
TN: hey where is the palace cinemas?
Me:i have no idea. never heard of it
TN: i think its in the city. 39 james street the valley. i've got 2 for 1 tickets. maybe we should go watch something :D *just you and me ;)
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I had a dream last night.. it was pretty fucked up. it wasn't really that clear but from what i could make out, it was a massive train accident - dead people everywhere, blood, gore etc... it was pretty horrifying. Then i was at a cemetery, presumably at a funeral of some sort.
After that i find myself in my bedroom, with mum telling me that she just couldn't understand that i wasn't into girls. And then dad says to me that his son is not gay. and that if i was, then i wasn't his son, and that he would refuse to acknowledge me as part of the family at all..to him i was simply an outsider.
And then i woke up.
I hope this doesnt turn out to be reality.
So i was bored at uni during my break so i downloaded a bunch of hot half naked girly pics to my phone to use as wallpapers. Although i don't really talk to TN that much anymore, from past conversations, I did figure that he had a thing for blonde girls.. well at least thats what he conveyed anyway... so i sent him a pic through multimedia message. Didn't get a response....
Later on that night, i signed into my msn and the first thing that pops up on my screen is his IM window with "WTH???" I reply with "????". "What the hell was with that picture you sent?" "Oh just a pic i thought you might like :-)"......."right..."
"I got another one that i think you might like :-P".......*sends TN a pic of a hot blonnde girl in a wet tshirt*....."no thanks".."too late already sent".............."QUIT IT!!!"
then he stops talking to me on msn..
and im like OMFG like WTF!!! What kind of guy would NOT like hot girly pics? seriously!!! If my mates sent me hot girly pics, i wouldn't tell them to stop!!
:-P all the while though, i so wanted to say "oh so girls aren't your thing eh? ;-)"
haha...
You know what really annoys me? People who walk really slow. I hate being stuck behind slow walking people at uni. arrghhh... its like OMFG can you hurry the F*** up already. Its probably not their fault though. I just walk faster than everyone else...
I also hate it when people don't stick to the left of the sidewalk. Every day I walk through uni, i have to constantly scan 10m ahead of me. Anticipating the direction in which people coming my way are going to move in, and altering my own course of travel in order to avoid walking into them. All while having to navigate my way round slow walking people of course.
:-) Although annoying, its amusing sometimes. Its like a game. Sometimes i get it right, sometimes i don't. ahh well...
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On the topic of walking, i recall back in highschool, these girls used to call me SM - acronym for Super Model. Because apparently i walked like a model. I dont know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but it really did make me feel really self-conscious - to the point that i'd think about every single step i took, in an attempt to make my walk not so 'model-like'. It got to the point where sometimes i'd trip over because i'd forget to take a step. Things like walking should come naturally and you shouldn't have to think about it, but being called super model just made me really insecure about myself. It actually took me almost 2 years to get over it and learn to walk naturally without thought again.
And for the record, i wasn't friends with those girls. In fact, i didn't really even know them. They were from other form classes so i didn't really socialise with them, but i would see them looking at me, hear things going around. It kinda sucked cos it was like people were talking behind my back all the time. I guess this was somewhat where my insecurities began....
Gah.. i hate not being able to fall asleep. Its not that im not tired. i just can't seem to switch my brain off for some reason. Its really frustrating because the next day more often then not, i'd be fallin asleep in class or just not having the energy to do anything.
Please go away insomnia, I don't need you in my life at the moment.
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