How to Arrange Everything inside a Big Closet?
8 years ago
Charlie, my sister and myself were going out to dinner, and we somehow stopped by a fancy looking restaurant. One we knew we were never going to be able to afford. We never had any intentions to go there, but we were waiting outside for some reason. The waiter greeted us out at the door and tried to usher us in. I told him we were alright. He asked if he could at least offer us something. So i asked for some water. He asked if i'd like some ice. I said no, just water.
Unlike other dreams, i couldn't remember the dialogue at all. It was like i just sat back and watched everything happened in MUTE. The waiter came back, and dropped a tub of water on the floor and walked away. I knew this waiter, he was a guy I had hooked up with a long while back. Something happened and my sister got upset. Charlie was aggrevated and got up and confronted the waiter. A brawl broke out. I couldn't understand anythign taht was going on. I walked up and asked a waitress what was going on. She wouldn't tell me. She refused to tell me, until I screamed at her. WHen she spoke to me, i couldn't understand what she was saying. But i picked up the following:
- something about 'ice'
- something about 'chicken'
- 10 newcomers to the establishment every month
- 3 bodies discarded
- a warning that I need to at all cost avoid "Gotham", a big fellow, dresses in black gear and has multiple tatoos.
- something about hosing down
Gotham walked into the restaurant, and the waitress frantically told me i had to go. I grabbed my sister and charlie, and told them we needed to leave immediately. The followed me out but so did the waitress. My sister then accidentally dropped her hand bag, where her wallet ID, and other cards fell out onto the ground. We frantically tried to pick everythign up, and i noticed that the waitress was also helping us, but she kept a few cards and put them in her pocket. I called her out and told her to hand it back over. I told her i'd call the police and tell them EVERYTHING if she didn't comply.
Gotham walked out to see what the commotion was about. Everythign went black. I woke up, trembling and sweating like crazy.
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So.... those thigns that i couldn't understand in the dream, i decided to google them, to see if they had some sort of hidden meaning.
- 'ice' slang for methamphetamines and also a term used to refer to the conspired murder or killing of someone
- 'chicken' another slang term for Methamphetamine
- 10 newcomers to the establishment: the restaurant was actually a cover for a drug operation, with at least 10 new 'customers' every week. Apparently we innocently discovered the operation, by not dining, and asking for 'water' with no 'ice'.
- 3 dead bodies. The waitress was telling me about 3 dead bodies. There were three of us - me, charlie and my sister.
- Gotham: the waitress told me that we had to at all cost avoid gotham. Im assuming Gotham was the drug lord. In reference to DC comics, Gotham was the city that Batman resided in. It is described as: a dark and foreboding metropolis rife with crime, grime, corruption, and a deep-seated sense of urban decay in the parts of the city not rejuvenated post-No Man's Land. Take this description, and describe a person with it, and you get Gotham, the drug lord.
- Hosing down: slang term referring to murder or kill someone in such a manner that the victim is dead or unable to walk away.
- Waitress taking my sisters cards as form of id: she was in on this operation as well, she couldn't let us get away, seeing as we now knew what really went on. She needed some way to find us, and my sisters dropped cards was how they were going to find us.
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Now i ask - what the FUCKING hell is wrong with me? Why am i dreaming up all these crazy things? Ice, chicken, hosing down, ??? I mean, i dont even know what the fuck methamphetamines are!! I'm the most unknowledgeable person when it comes to 'drugs'. I dont know any terms/slang or drug references so how these terms popped into my head i have no idea. There must be a reason why the people in the dream were in the dream. Why wasn't Hayden in this dream? Why was it Charlie and my sister? Why is everyone always out to get me in my dreamscape? Why do i keep dying?
I dont know what goes on in my head. Its like all my dreams are puzzles with hidden messages and clues and loaded with a heap of metaphors. My dreams have no bearing with what happens in reality.
And no, i didn't just watch a crime/drug related movie or tv show.
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2 comments:
Ok, Im going to say it again. You're living a conflicted inner life, that is boiling over thru your dreamscape. Could it be you want to kill the "good son"? The one who will put his desires and dreams aside for the good of the family? You're gagged in the fact that you cant speak your mind to the people you want/need to. You cant tell Hayden how you feel about him, you cant come out to your family, your afraid to date worried that your sister will find out and tell your family.....
This cant go on any longer, you need to start to make some changes in your life, and soon. More or less you are living a lie, and its strangling you. I know how it feels, Ive lived that life, and its not a good place to be.
If you take the things in your dreamworld, ignoring the googled meanings, the whole feel of the dream changes. This is what comes to my mind.
ice - frozen, cold, unfeeling, being stuck in place
you feel frozen in place with your current life, you don't want to be left out in the cold if your family finds out your gay. wanting, needing to move forward, but afraid to.
chicken - dead, meat, food
well, i think the dead is obvious. the meat and food is your soul is hungry and needs you to feed it.
10 newcomers - you see so many people getting what they want out of life. everyone except you has a place at the table, and your left standing outside of life (like at the restaurant) and you desperately want to be included.
3 dead bodies - losing your family which most of us think of as our mom and dad first and siblings next. so you could be worried about losing your parents. the third body could be you, as in without your family you will feel cut off -dead.
gotham - well, here the word can be used to mean a bad place to live, huge city, bad living conditions....but not sure how popular that word is there. that could just be something your mind dredged up from reading it or hearing it.
hosing down - haven't you been helping with the clean up? and im sure the tv is full of scenes of the clean up. our news is, so im sure yours is a well. It could also mean that you feel that life has "hosed" you. gave you bad breaks, in effect cheated you out of what you think you deserved out of life.
waitress- you are waiting to be served the life you want, need and yes deserve.
ok this is just my take on it all, but i think it makes more sense than all the drug stuff, especially since your so not a druggie. give this some thought and see if you don't think its a better fit.
and its time to stand up for yourself, you deserve a life, and your sub consciences is screaming to be allowed to live. most people here on blogger have struggled and felt conflicted about how to mesh the two parts of their lives, their inner self, that they are afraid to share with the world, and their public facade. so you are walking a very familiar path to us all. however just because we have walked that path, we cant tell you how to live your life, that is something you need to figure out on your own. but being frozen in place is never a good place.
A wise blogger gave me a piece of advice that i'm now forwarding to you. Sitting on the fence, unable to make a decision will kill you. Make a decision, chose a side of the fence and then deal with whatever happens then. And just because you decided to jump into that field doesn't mean you have to stay there, you can go back later.
This piece of advice allowed me to make some decisions and to move off my fence, good luck!
I can't add anything beyond Biki's wise words, except this sounds like a Steven King short story in the book Everything's Eventual.
Empty_Spaces, quite frankly, perhaps it's time to look for professional help. I have no idea where you are, or what your circumstances are, but there is help out there.
Peace <3
Jay
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