Empty Spaces

In a couple of hours, I'll be another full year older. Another year gone by. Another year in which I should have grown both physically and emotionally. Another year to reminisce and reflect upon. In complete honesty, I don't feel as if there have been any major changes in my life in the last year. I can't seem to bring myself to remember a single highlight of that past year. It just all seems like a big blur. It just went so fast and I never took the opportunity to slow down a bit and just take everything in. To experience life and enjoy the small things, listen to the sounds, enjoy the various sights, embrace what's all around me. And I think back on it and I feel as if I've wasted an opportunity, and not taken full advantage of what the past year has offered me. I've been fixated on an 'ideal' reality and never really paid much attention to what was really going on around me. In a sense I was blinded by my predilection for a fantasy world. So a year has gone by, and I haven't really grown any smarter or wiser.

But if I delve a bit deeper and it's only then that I'm able to comprehend how much I've actually gone through and how much I've learnt in the last year. In the last year, I've applied for and been rejected by far to many employers. I've realised that life isn't an easy task. You put yourself forward, you get knocked back by obstacles and impediments. You feel as if as if you've come to the end of the line and that there's just no place else to go. The sinking feeling. Crawling back into the shelter of darkness. But then there's always that light that emanates from the darkness and from there I pick myself up, put the pieces back together again and realise that i've lived through it. And that although things haven't gone the way that i've wanted it to go, I still have another chance.

Over the last year, I've experienced emotional lows and borderline depression. It doesn't seem like much but from simply writing down the rollercoaster that is my life, and taking the time to think about and reflect upon myself, my circumstances and my emtions, i've begun to understand a lot more about myself. By no means is my journey complete, but at least there has been a start.

I hope for the coming year that I'll learn from my past experiences and mistakes and be able to become a wiser person, who is more in tune with myself, and my surroundings.

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Happy Birthday to me

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