How to Arrange Everything inside a Big Closet?
8 years ago
I haven't posted in a long while. There've been multiple times when i've come online, typed up a post, about to submit it but then deleted it all. I feel like I've really got nothing worth writing about. I'm simply just ranting and complaining. Much ado bout nothing really. Also i feel as if everything that is bugging me is like a shadow in my peripheral vision. You know that feeling, when you feel theres something behind you, you KNOW theres somethign behind you, but the moment you turn around to see what it is, it dissapears into the shadows? Thats how it is with me really.
Im in a stage of my life where im just frustrated and angry at everything. I have no empathy or care for anything at the moment and im simply riding the roller coaster with my eyes closed. I really couldn't care to be honest. I seem to find annoyances with every little thing and im angry all the time for no rational reason other than because i want to be angry. Im at a point in time when i just couldn't care about anyone else and in fact i seem to appear to hate everyone. I don't want to see or talk to my friends. I have a strong aversion to social situations. I just want everyone around me to get stuffed, stfu and leave me alone. The few people who i do want to be around, i fear that i may seem overly clingy or desperate or attached to them. I am selective with whom i want to socialize with, and then become annoyed and angry if the other party is unavailable. Im becoming really self-centered really and being really needy.
I punish myself sometimes. Every now and then, i feel the need to put myself in pain in order to remind myself that this life is real. Bring me back to reality. Im not going to discuss much about this, but sometimes pain and punishment might be a good thing.
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2 comments:
OK, this is going to be HARSH, so if you don't want to read HARSH REALITY, please stop now...
I have no idea how to bring you back to "reality". You are living your reality. You don't take your meds, you don't go to your counselor. You aren't at a "stage in life" - you don't describe a stage in life. You describe a mental illness that you have the power to improve upon, but then when you have the opportunity, don't. You talk about self-harm. It's not punishment, it's comfort.
But it does NOT have to be that way. Go back to the counselor. Give it time. Take your meds. Give THEM time to work. Changes do not occur overnight. But I can assure you that I have more than one friend who has been in EXACTLY your shoes, and with help from doctors and meds and yeah, shrinks, got a whole lot better, and now enjoy life to its fullest.
Pain and punishment is not the way to live. But you can't get past them as long as you wallow in self-pity and self-harm. Call your doctor, make an appointment. Call your therapist, make an appointment. Then keep them.
I hope you, and your other online friends don't hate me for this tirade, but I want to see you get better, and I don't know any other way than being blunt.
Peace <3
Jay
Hi,
You need to go back to the counselor or try another. Reach out to someone to help & try to get out of this depressed state you are in now.
Self inflicted pain is not reality.
Please work this out.
Don't stop posting, at least we can see you are still there :)
Stay well
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